I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize