I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
