guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
