I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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