You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
