my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
