Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
