Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
is it fun? or sober?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
