1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
