Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk walkin through police station. America
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
