i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
