Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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