I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
