i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
