Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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