I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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