Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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