i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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