He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
