yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
