Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
