This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
