mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
