Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
