cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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