"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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