ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize