imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize