Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
