happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He passed out mid-signature
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
