I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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