His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
