Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
