corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
