Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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