If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
