I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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