in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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