mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
