I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
