i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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