You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
