Only a mothe r could love this liver
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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