If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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