u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
