Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
