Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize