Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
