I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
