Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When did angry sex become our thing?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
