roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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