WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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