Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her vagine was all disorganized.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
