you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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