I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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