I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
