a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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