she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
