I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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