My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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