tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
