hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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