I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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