I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Damn victory sex feels great
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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