What tipped you off? The sombrero?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
