"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
