you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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